Dealing With the Jealousy of Finding Out Your Ex Has Started Dating

The thought of resuming your relationship with your ex may make you feel ill at ease, but that doesn’t mean you’re ready to watch as he or she pursues a new relationship. You can’t control your ex’s love life, but you can control your response. The following tips and tricks will help you deal with this difficult news—and move on.

Avoid Your Ex on Social Media
Whether you learned of your ex’s new relationship in person, through friends or online, limit Facebook and Instagram stalking. Consider cutting the cord completely and unfriending your ex. At minimum, unfollow until you resolve any strong emotions. Don’t make yourself miserable by viewing endless photos of an ex madly in love with somebody else.

Don’t Confuse Jealousy With Love
It’s only natural to feel possessive, even if you logically know your former spouse is entitled to move on. Don’t fall into the trap of mistaking envy as something more; remind yourself why you pursued divorce in the first place.

Stop Comparing Yourself to the New Love Interest
Your ex’s new beau may seem younger, smarter, more accomplished or more attractive. None of that matters, because you don’t know the full story. Every relationship is different; stop comparing yours.

Jump Into the Dating Market (When You’re Ready)
There’s nothing like a new love interest to distract you from jealousy surrounding your former spouse. Only re-enter the dating market when you’re good and ready; and only when you’re intent on finding love and not on making your ex jealous.

Apply the Golden Rule
If, prior to learning of your ex’s new partner, you’d granted complete forgiveness, remember how freeing that felt. Why destroy that sense of inner peace for the sake of spite? If the situation were reversed, you’d hope that your ex would be happy for you and your new relationship. Apply the golden rule, and treat your ex’s new relationship with the same respect you anticipate when you find a new partner.

You’ll find it far easier to accept your ex’s new relationship if you secure a favorable divorce outcome.

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